Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i love accidental penises.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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