Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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