Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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