u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
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bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
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Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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