I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
