$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
