Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
