he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
