We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
