sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
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the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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