What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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