Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
