coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
