What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
