remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
