My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
