Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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