If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
