so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize