If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
