Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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