i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
