OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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