When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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