Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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