omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
