why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
