it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
