I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Randomize
