I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
