My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
