Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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