I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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