Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
