please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
