does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
