ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
