$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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