I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Randomize
