laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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