you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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