Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Text me some of your sweat
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
