Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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