I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
high people should be assigned attendants
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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