Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
lets start a swedish sibling band together
only you would photoshop your dick
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
