whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
