does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I think people are normalizing furries
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
