There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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