I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
