we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
