How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Randomize
