then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
