You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
