So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
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Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
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I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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