I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
ttyl tear gas
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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