did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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