haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
