Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
