Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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