Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
