yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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