i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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