the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
