I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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