she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I understand Curling. That high.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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