Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
