My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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