Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
